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    Tuesday
    Sep062005

    Inkwell

    There are no facts, only interpretations. ~Friedrich Nietzsche

    There is something mildly disturbing about vacationing in Martha’s Vineyard, while hundreds of thousands of people are suffering. People who have just lost all of their worldly possessions and their homes, while I’m trolloping around my mother’s summer home and she has yet to find out what happened to the house we have in Alabama, just two hours from New Orleans. It’s also disturbing that I can’t think of the words I need to convey my frustration and how distraught I’ve been about this entire mess. But this always happens when I’m extremely angry or frustrated. I can’t find my words and I end up in tears or with that all too familiar lump in my throat.

    Helpless isn’t even the word for right now. I spent the entire time in the airport Friday, rehashing what exactly went wrong and why no one could help the people that were there. I know I’m sounding naïve and trite, but right now I can’t help it. I also realize that all of what I want to say has been said, by people who can write about these situations much better than I. Personally I would like to point out the brilliant Jack Shafer (here and here) who I’ve been obsessed with for awhile now; as well as Krugman and Maureen Dowd. There you have it-I’m showing off the liberal in me.

    There are many things that I can be eloquent about when I put some sort of thought into it then there are times like these, where I am so flabbergasted and fucking livid that I don’t know what to say. I just sit around quietly with the lump in my throat. Come to think of it, this is how I’ve felt for the past five years. Sine the beginning of this administration. Always feeling like something bad were about to happen. Never completely safe Waiting for more to happen and now it feels like we’re beating the proverbial dead horse.

    Well look here. I seem to have written something somewhat coherent. It’s not perfect of course or the most eloquent thing in the world, but it’s just me feeling shitty (which is nothing new), but this time about something that I have no control over. But please by all means, go read something better than this pedestrian shit here.
    Thursday
    Sep012005

    104

    *So I wrote an earlier post. It was semi-thoughtful but rushed. Now I'm posting something different, because I couldn't articulate very well, all that I wanted to say earlier.

    "You want Romantic? Where's my clarinet?"-Jeffery Euginedes, Middlesex

    1. My name-Heather-is a type of purple Scottish flower. It’s number 12 on the list of top 20 whitest girl’s names.
    2. I am 21.
    3. Hillary Clinton and I share the same birthday.
    4. My second internship was with Hillary Clinton. I’ve met her three times and have met her husband once.
    5. I want Hillary Clinton’s seat in the US Senate.
    6. I can name at least one Senator from every state.
    7. My parents are divorced.
    8. I’m closer to my mom than my dad.
    9.I call my mom by her first name-Peg. My friends do as well. My brother calls her babe, so Peg isn’t that bad.
    10. My father is from Birmingham and my mother is from West Virginia. But their children are from upstate NY.
    11. I’ve never not lived in a capital city: Albany, Washington, DC, Madrid.
    12. My current boss ran for President-and that’s about all I’ll mention about him.
    13. I’m a HUGE Democrat. And it’s really important to me.
    14. I love my job and I am lucky that I got a job at my first choice place.
    15. I have three brothers. Two are older and one is younger. 16. I once stuck a pool stick in the spokes of my brother’s bike and he ran into a wall. My mother then used the pool stick on me.
    17. When my mother was pregnant with my brother I tried to feed him French fries through her belly button.
    18. I’ve gotten stitches twice (not from the pool stick incident), but no broken bones.
    19. I can only wear 14 Karat gold or above and platinum or something hypoallergenic. I’m allergic to silver.
    20. I have multiple best friends to fit my multiple personalities. I am nothing like any of them.
    21. I went to Girl Scout camp for 13 years.
    22. My camp name is Mushu after the dragon in Mulan.
    23. I’ll answer to Heather, Heather B., HB, Heath Bar, Heath, Heath Bar Crunch, H to the B Xzibit, Mushu, and Moose Poop in a Shoe.
    24. Between 7th grade and 10th grade I failed one class per academic quarter.
    25. My 9th grade social studies teacher failed me and then threatened to do so again. I had him for AP European History the next year and I got a 4 on the AP test. He still talks about me to his students.
    26. My all time favorite teacher’s name is Mr. Nelligan. He taught AP Public Policy. I got a 4 on that AP test as well.
    27. I entered college with 28 college credits, but it still took me 4 years to finish college. Mostly because I took 12 credits per semester.
    28. I majored in Communications, Law, Economics and Government (CLEG)
    29. I wanted to be a Neonatologist, but I failed biology.
    30. I got a tatoo on my ankle because I couldn't get my tounge pierced. I also have my tragus pierced.
    31. "You want romantic? Where's my clarinet?" Is my favorite quote from a book
    32. I once wanted to have a baby daughter named Savannah. Now I don’t want any children.
    33. I’m double jointed in my fingers and sometimes my elbow comes out of its socket.
    34. I’m a quarter Irish and I'm black.
    35. I once used Nair in my hair to get rid of a widow’s peak. I fucked up and had to cut myself bangs.
    36. I cut off all of my hair this past January and I refuse to ever get another relaxer or get my hair braided.
    37. I used to be a smoker, even though my grandfather died from lung cancer.
    38. I can play the clarinet, bassoon, and bass clarinet. I’m very good at the clarinet.
    39. In 8th grade I wrote a note to a friend stating that my Social Studies teacher was really fat and had a huge stomach. The teacher found out. I got detention and I couldn’t go to the Moving Up Day dance.
    40. I once lost 50lbs. I gained 30 of it back.
    41. In 7th grade a kid that used to be a very good friend of mine got everyone to start calling me Butter. I still cringe when I hear that word. The kid who started it died this past March.
    42. I want to go to graduate school to study Education Policy but prior to that I want to do Teach for America.
    43. Everything I want to do when I ‘grow up’ will never make me very much money. But I don’t do it for the money I do it for the cause.
    44. I’m terrible with money, but with Suze Orman I’m learning.
    45. I learned to read when I was three. I used to read in the bathroom and in the shower. The first story I learned to read was the story of Cain and Abel.
    46. When I was 8 years old, Edgar Allen Poe was my favorite author. I made my mom read “The Tale Tell Heart” to me before bed.
    47. I’ve read every Little House on the Prairie book.
    48. I’ve never had braces therefore my teeth are naturally very straight.
    49. I won’t eat anything smaller than fettuccini. Anything smaller makes me think of worms going down my throat.
    50. My favorite candy bar is a Take 5 bar.
    51. I want a chocolate fountain in my bedroom. If I could choose only two things to dip into the fountain it would be pretzels and bananas. This is a daily work conversation.
    52. I worked on a presidential campaign fulltime while taking 13 credits worth of classes. It was my best semester in three years.
    53. Campaign work is the most challenging and tiring job, but I want to do at least two more before I settle down.
    54. I want to have a town house in Georgetown and a jaguar or Porsche Cayenne Turbo. Although I doubt it will ever happen.
    55. I drive a mercury sable. It’s about as cool as a ford 500, but it at least has a sunroof. I used to drive a mini van, up until last year.
    56. I shop way above my means, which is probably why I never have any money.
    57. I drink and talk about diet code red mountain dew, more than any other person I know.
    58. I believe strongly in organized labor, therefore I don’t shop at Walmart.
    59. I’ve been to Spain, Italy, Canada, Mexico, The Netherlands, Morocco, and Portugal
    60. I would like to go to France, Iceland, Australia, Southern Africa, Egypt, Dubai, Thaliand and Fiji.
    61. For awhile I wanted to go to the Peace Corps, which is the original reason for why I started growing out my hair to go natural.
    62. I went to Madrid for my final semester at school, because George Bush won again.
    63. Lisbon, Portugal is my favorite city in the world.
    64. I went to American University.
    65. I got into Cornell and was going to major in Industrial and Labor Relations. But then I realized that Ithaca is too fucking cold.
    66. I won’t cry in public.
    67. Many first impressions of me are that I am a heartless bitch. It’s not true. But I can be slightly bitchy.
    68. My favorite restaurant is Linda Jean’s in Oak Bluffs, Massachusetts.
    69. I drink excessive amounts of Shiraz and I’m just mildly obsessed with it.
    70. My favorite phrases are “mildly obsessed” and “love it”
    71. I’m deathly afraid of Clowns
    72. I’m also afraid of Chucky the doll from Child’s Play. Once it was an advertisement on my AIM so I couldn’t look at my buddy list for the entire day.
    73. My favorite movie is the Contender. It’s about a woman Senator who is tapped to become Vice President.
    74. My favorite book is East of Eden by John Steinbeck.
    75. I’ve read everything by JD Salinger.
    76. I own the BAP (Black American Princess) Handbook. It’s scary how much I can relate to it.
    77. I love to golf, kayak, and do yoga
    78. I’ve never been in love.
    79. I’m single by choice.
    80. I loved living alone, but I now have a roommate who is like my brother.
    81. Listening to golf, the Chicago Bears or Star Trek puts me to sleep.
    82. When I was a baby, my parents used to drive me around in the car to put me to sleep. I can’t be in a car or moving vehicle without falling asleep now. This includes planes.
    83. I’ve received one speeding ticket. It was for doing 75 in a 45 trying to get back to my High School to turn in a scholarship application.
    84. I’ve been towed three times. Once to Anacostia (a neighborhood in DC) and since then I’ve learned to read parking signs.
    85. I’ve seen every episode of The OC (all 50 of them) and cry when an advertisement for it comes on.
    86. I’m extremely neurotic.
    87. What turns me off most from people, is when they act like I’m annoying or bothering them.
    88. Until 8th grade I was labeled the annoying girl and spent many an afternoon crying in the bathroom.
    89. In 8th grade twins Tia and Topaz came to my school and I turned into a huge bitch. Now I’m at a happy medium.
    90. I had a therapist for a year and half. She was great.
    91. I am a pescitarian. I used to be a vegetarian.
    92. My father doesn’t understand why I am a pescitarian or why I went to school in DC. I refuse to budge on either.
    93. I neither want to be married or have children. But that might change.
    94. If I were to get married it would be on Martha’s Vineyard and I would walk down the aisle to Pachabel’s Canon. But you know, I haven’t thought about it at all.
    95. My favorite scent is Hana Muri.
    96. My Aunt Rachel is one of my favorite people in the world, but we used to fight on a regular basis.
    97. I once called my cousin Lydia a bitch in the middle of the mall. She hated me and my brother. Now we talk on a regular basis.
    98. Listening to gospel makes me tear up. I think it’s the southern in me.
    99. I believe in God.
    100.I wear pearls everyday.
    101. I’ve had the same Christmas Eve/Day tradition for about 17 years. Movies and lunch with my dad on Christmas Eve. My dad comes over at 8:30am on Christmas Day. My brother and I are 21 and 19 respectively, I doubt it will ever change.
    102. I was afraid of dogs until I had to dog sit for my boss. I now want two. Atticus and Phoebe. 103. I want to write one great novel like Harper Lee.
    104. I am mildly obsessed with Oprah. For my 16th birthday, my mother, aunts and I went to Chicago for the weekend and we went to her show.
    Wednesday
    Aug312005

    Read Me Seymour, Read Me

    Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia. ~E.L. Doctorow

    Earlier this week, while in the throws of moving hell, a friend asked if I was going to write about moving.
    “Probably not”
    “It’s just so comical”
    “You think it’s comical?”
    “Yes it’s funny. You don’t write for us you write for other people. It’s comical”

    I wasn’t sure whether to take this as an insult or to shrug it off. I thought about it and realized how correct she was. Lizzie touched on this earlier, which got me contemplating the idea of blogging even more, and why I really do it. I’m not very narcissistic and public speaking scares the shit out of me. A public speaking professor when critiquing a speech of mine, once said that I had a very strong presence and therefore compelling people to want to listen to me; which only made me more freaked out.
    Although I want to be a politician, I become uncomfortable talking about myself to people I don’t know very well, therefore I come off socially awkward and unapproachable. In reality I’ve become standoffish and possibly bitchy due to elementary school. I’ll write more about it later, but I was often sent in the hall for talking too much and from second grade through seventh grade, I was labeled the annoying girl who talked too much.

    I’m turned off by narcissism, especially those that are loud and/or obnoxiously self absorbed and narcissistic. Call me crazy, but no one wants to hear you talk about you for hours. Blogging is an act of self absorption I suppose, but it’s also a rather anonymous activity and no one is ever forced to read about it, unlike being forced to actively listen to someone drone on about themselves.

    Honestly I don’t blog just to see what I have to write and then read it over and over again. I blog because I kept hearing “when I was out of college I didn’t have a job for 5 years and had to work at Burger King” stories. I wanted to share this splendid first year out of school with others, with hopes of making them think that maybe it won’t be that bad. I enjoy it because it’s a fun and humorous way to “meet” other people and see what they have to say about anything and everything, it’s like a whole new world has opened up. And I will readily admit that I check out who has been reading and where they're from, because I'm curious and I just really want to see how unpopular I am.

    Regardless, I do get bored with myself and I’m sure my readers (all five of them) get bored with me as well, so I’m always open to suggestions of other fun and exciting things to write about and I LOVE comments and knowing what others have to say.