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Heather Barmore
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    Wednesday
    Sep142005

    I Cannot Write to Save My Life


    I like the word "indolence." It makes my laziness seem classy. ~Bern Williams

    1. I have several writing projects to work on, yet I like the whitness of word, so I figured I’d just leave it that way
    2. Last night I returned a $200 dress to Banana Republic then spent that money at Gap.
    I need to go back and get the dress from BR because next weekend is CBC weekend and I need to look pretty
    3. Next weekend is CBC weekend; translation lots of work and lots of hot black men.
    4. I’m going golfing this weekend again to see hot black men also because I fear that my drive has gone to shit
    5. Speaking of shit, my Aunt and Uncle think that I swear too much. Yes I do. And Yes your sister knows. And yes it makes her crazy.
    6. I need to write a post about something other than what I’m thinking in the middle of the day.
    7. I went to the dry cleaners this morning in my pajamas. On the way home from the dry cleaner I walked three blocks past my apartment. Keep in mind that my apartment is on the corner and you can see into my fucking living room from the street, but I manage to walk completely pass it.
    8. one of my coworkers is leaving. I’m actually going to miss her. HA! She’ll be back in an hour
    9. I’ve spent a good portion of my morning pissed off at Gap and Bank of America. I hate them.
    10. Last night I had Johnny Rockets for dinner. The Biggest Loser came on while I was enjoying my Johnny Rockets. I changed the channel to House.
    11. I want to have Hugh Laurie’s babies.
    12. Someone just told me that I look like I’ve lost weight. HA! I didn’t point out that I had Johnny Rockets including the ½ onion rings ½ fries. I ate it all by myself.
    13. I check site meter probably more than I should. Someone should stop me.
    14. Since I know that at least six people read this (shout out to Sitemeter) GIVE ME SOMETHING TO WRITE ABOUT!
    15. I heart those six people who read me.
    16. Laguna Beach is on
    17. There has been no witty banter by coworkers today. I know they read this. I need to be amused!
    18. My jaw hurts like hell. But I'm eating ice.
    Tuesday
    Sep132005

    The Other Side of the Hill

    A man is not idle because he is absorbed in thought. There is a visible labor and there is an invisible labor ~Victor Hugo

    A little mid day thought for you all….

    A chocolate fountain is needed ASAP, but this is a daily thought.

    I’m tempted to go to the Hart SOB because Fred Thompson is there. I’m not concerned with the fact that he’s a Republican, but he’s on FREAKING LAW AND ORDER! Holy shit, Law and Order people. John Roberts who??? Fred Thompson, he knows Dick Wolf-this means that Fred Thompson knows a genius.

    I’m tempted to do the Peace Corps and/or Teach for America, but not until 2009, so I have time. But if you’ve done either, drop me a line.

    Ted Kennedy is awesome.

    I’m still thinking about the connections that Fred Thompson has, which includes Jesse L. Martin (even though they’re not on the same Law and Order, I’m sure they know each other).

    I love a little mid day writing, it keeps my mind working. Seriously I think one day it may stop.

    I’ve just discovered Amalah. Holy shit, what have I been missing.

    Fred Thompson…Fred freaking Thompson.

    I've decided that once a month I'm treating myself to a nice meal at a nice restaurant that's not Chipotle or Potbelly. This month it's IndeBleu, next month brunch for my birthday at Georgia Brown's.

    George Bush's approval rating is at an all time low. I'm smiling.

    My coworker got an ipod nano. It's the coolest thing ever. Or at least the coolest thing today.

    Monday
    Sep122005

    The Real World Blues

    “A mistake which is commonly made about neurotics is to suppose that they are interesting. It is not interesting to be always unhappy, engrossing with oneself, malignant and ungrateful, and never quite in touch with reality”.- Cyril Connolly

    The worst feeling in the world, besides grief I suppose, is being made to feel inferior or even stupid and idiotic. Like you are quite possibly the most incompetent person one could ever lay eyes on. At least this is how I feel today.

    Incompetent and like my sole purpose in life is to be shit on by other people who believe themselves to be infallible. And yes, I’m pissed. And I don’t want to be told that having others make me feel this way is either a) part of the territory; b) normal; or c) something that I just need to “get over”.

    I’m thisclose to just saying fuck it to everything. To being thrown into the lion’s den of being adult and to people assuming that I have ESP. It’s like people-parents, friends, whomever-feels that they can just snap their fingers and suddenly this will happen. That’s not how the world works and why should I be treated that way?

    Maybe I should get over it (my God I am contradictory) as it will not be changing anytime soon. And people get frustrated and feel the need to play the blame game when it is something that is out of their control. That’s what it is, right now I’m still in pergatory and I feel like everything is out of my control. I doubt those around me walk around saying “hmmm, how can we make Heather feel inept today?” Thankfully the people I surround myself with, will genuinely worry and feel badly about me feeling badly. It will all be forgotten by tomorrow, but I’ll replay it over and over again, wondering what I did wrong and how I can do better. My jaw will bear the brunt of this.

    Elenor Roosevelt once said “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”; that’s it; I’m giving people my consent to make me feel like crap, and I just need to stop.