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Heather Barmore
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    Change In Action at Babble Voices

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    Boys and Babies

    Learn to... be what you are, and learn to resign with a good grace all that you are not. ~Henri Frederic Amiel

    “Oh my god, did I tell you about the dream I had?”
    “What dream?”
    “You had moved to the West Coast and you were coming back to DC to visit me. Before you left you called me and said that Julie had told you that I had a secret for you. You then called me and I said that you would see it when you arrived. When you got here (hesitation and downtrodden look on face), you saw me and I was pregnant. And to make it worse, I was living with some man and we weren’t even going to get married”

    Wait no; not a dream, a nightmare. I have no inkling of maternal instincts whatsoever. I babysit solely for the monetary gains and I do adore Sammy and Rebecca, but that doesn’t mean I want to take them home with me.

    Being told repeatedly that when I get older I’ll change my mind and want to marry and have children, is irritating and it only makes me hold my stance even more. Besides, this isn’t about you, it’s about me. It’s me not wanting to give in to some supposed pre-conceived notion that all women want to get married and have babies, that’s bull shit.

    I have no ill will towards the opposite sex or babies. Babies are cute and cuddly, and as all of my friends know I will buy the little tyke cashmere from Ralph Lauren and take it on trips, but then I get to give it back. My mother confessed to me last summer that she never wanted to have children. “Seeing women in the park with children, was the most awful thing. This is why we only went to the park after 5:30pm, when normal people went”; i.e. normal childless people in business suits and Coach bags.

    My parents separated when I was four after marrying due to my impending arrival and I’d rather not be put in that position. So it’s an unfounded fear, I know, and I’m only 21 and things may or may not end up this way; the point is that I don’t want to be in a position where I am forced to go through something like that alone. Mind you this entire idea has been fermenting for years but then I read about the unfortunate fate of a woman whose husband became unattracted to her after witnessing the birth of their first child. I realized that I've been on to something.

    Compromise and change are good and I am open to both, but as of right now I feel that it's not in the cards; and I shouldn't be lambasted for not wanting to conform to society's thoughts on what women should want.

    Although, should an attractive educated man with a sense of humor come my way though, with an adorable baby, I'd be more than accomadating. See? Compromise.


    Speaking of Boredom

    The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. ~Dorothy Parker

    True story; last week while watching Sweet Home Alabama-pathetic in itself, but not the point of this story-I actually teared up when a promo for The O.C. came on. I kid you not, that Peter Gallagher does something to me, maybe it's the eyebrows. Regardless, in addition to my penchant and weakness for diet code red, take five bars, pizza, Law andOrder, and Congress; I can now add all things Orange County. The movie, the show, I even have a slight problem with starting a conversation with"That Talan is a fuck head, cute, but an ass". Yup, I watch Laguna Beach too.

    I really do think it's natural human condition though, to become slightly obsessed with things that would be nice to have; you know living vicariously through others. Not that this means I want to pack up and move to Newport Beach and botox myself to death, but you must admit,it is fun to watch and damn entertaining.

    I have a slight problem with becoming fascinated with something,especially when I'm bored (ahem, the blogging bug that I seem to have caught). I just think "wow I never thought to do that. It might befun". I read up on it then obsess about it for awhile; thus the reason for why I know the difference between my pitching wedge and sand wedge and why I can play every song from the Lion King on my clarinet; boredom my friends.

    But then again, trying different things and becoming interested whether through boredom or not, is what makes one a well rounded person. I getbored, I try new things. That's what makes life (and maybe me) more interesting. And fun DAMN IT!

    Debbie Downer Doesn't Give a Damn

    If I had no sense of humor, I would long ago have committed suicide. ~Mahatma Gandhi

    Under normal circumstances I would be caught dead posting on a Saturday; a) because I have a life and b) I should really be doing all the things that I don't do during the week. Like for instance the dishes, laundry, packing because I'm apparently moving tomorrow and this apartment looks like hell. Whatever.

    Lately all of my posts have been melancholy and dramatic. Sometimes I have a flare for the dramatic-it's a scorpio tendency, but good Lord. Someone should slap me and tell me to shut up, but not quite yet, because this all is leading somewhere.

    Last week I wrote a post entiled Red Diva about a certain blogger, who is the girl everyone loves to hate. I'm not retracting my hyperbolic filled post which put SK on a pedestal, because I did and still do find her somewhat inspirational, but what I will say is Oh My God. I have realized that blogging is like high school. And last I checked most of us blogging are well out of high school. SK is the popular girl and may can't figure out why. But being popular means that there will be those that love you and those that just really don't like you; and both groups will be vocal about it. A blog was created to parody SK's blog called Tale of Two Sisters. It was the funniest fucking thing and now it's being shut down. It was funny, satirical and just by reading one post after reading SK's blog you'd realize that. I'm not going to speculate who complained etc. but get a grip. This is supposed to be fun and entertaining and without me getting into extensive First Amendment talk, we should be allowed to write what we want without fear of someone getting mad and 'telling'. This isn't high school and it definately isn't third grade. And let's be honest, if you are secure in yourself and you have a fan base and a book deal etc., then why care about what others have to say about you?

    And now to other things, because I just lost 10 minutes of my life. I've had an epiphany. I love when I have epiphanies. I've been a downer because things are changing and I can't deal and because I care about what people think about me. I worry about who is or isn't reading my stupid blog including those that I work with (and feel free to comment on what an ass I am) and what will happen in my future and I make myself neurotic and get TMJ. I'm ridiculous. I like to write and I enjoy what I write so I want to share it. I also really want current college seniors, like those I met last night and worried if I was doing ok after college, to realize and know that by May things may feel shitty, but it will get better. An epiphany in which I've realized that I care too much about what others think (it happens in bursts) and that I need to get a grip and stop being a baby.