"You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you." ~Ray Bradbury
I had the intention of starting off the first post of a new year with glorious news. Of course intentions are solely what we would like to do or have happen not necessarily what will happen. So, back to the drawing board I go. Instead I will start off with a post I read by Karen Walrond inspired by Laurie Smithwick. The premise of both posts is that more time should and needs to be spent away from the computer in order to tap into one's creativity. I have been blessed to find myself surrounded by some of the most creative - with their words, photos, artistic ability, design prowess, etc. - women in the world. It’s a humbling experience to look at photos of your friend’s perfectly colored and arranged living room while you stare at a wall that was supposed to be a bright red but is more brownish-oozing out of your knee-red.
Back to creativity and moving away from the screen to explore such; when surrounded by these women I am hard pressed to want to fit in because it is a natural instinct when the reality is that I will never be their kind of creative and that is OK. These friends of mine aren’t necessarily experts on the filibuster and again; that is OK. We each have strengths and weaknesses in ourselves that others look to as a source of inspiration. I’m only happy that it took some 29 years for me to make this discovery. No matter because I am happy with where I am in terms of knowing myself.
And that is what I came here for today to tap into my creative side which isn’t like my friend’s creative sides but hey, that’s what makes me special and different (in a good way). I also came here to set my intentions which might not work out (see above) - and see how that goes:
This fall I attended Camp Mighty. A retreat for goal oriented and creative people who want to tap into that and put their wants out into the Universe. It sounds very ‘woo woo’ but it works, I swear. For I have also learned in these 29 years that putting things out there and stating what you want means that I will at least make an effort to get there and if it doesn’t work out? Well, I tried. And sometimes that is the best we can hope for.
At Camp Mighty each attendee shares five things from their Life Lists that they would like to accomplish for the year. Mine were: 1) Practice yoga three times a week for 30 days (more on this later); 2) Be a tourist in Washington, DC; 3) Finish a writing project/book proposal that I have been working on for five years; 4) [top secret thing]; 5) Run a half-marathon (September 15th); 6) Throw a 30th birthday party for myself.
The part I am tapping into this year and have never felt so open to and willing to move forward with is number 3. Though number 4 is a close second. If there is one thing I have always been creative with - some might disagree - it is with my words. When I write I don’t feel anxious and things feel easier. When I found out that something I wanted wasn’t happening my mother -and indulge me while I ask if you knew that mother’s know everything. Like, really. They do. I’m convinced that they are always right - said perhaps that isn’t your path. She told me she believed that life is full of possibilities and fate and that I need to be more open to them. I called foul at first but quickly realized that she was right. Perhaps if I allowed myself to be open to things, perhaps if I stopped thinking so much, perhaps if I stepped away from the day-to-day and focused on a creative endeavour like my friends Karen and Laurie, perhaps then I might find some joy.
I have vague-blogged and cried my way through 365 days of unhappiness due to things that I cannot discuss publicly -catch me in person and I’ll let it rip - but I haven’t put nearly as much effort into focusing on good things which might allow other good things to come my way. The point here - and I promise to make one - is that being creative and allowing that process to take over isn’t just about aesthetics but about acknowledging that means tearing yourself from the monotony in order to find something deeper. For some that means getting away from the computer and for others, like me, it means getting back to it and allowing my words to flow freely.
And that is where I am today. I am open and willing to say that whatever happens may happen and that to get out of my routine and doing something else can lead to the unexpected. It makes me excited for the year and hopeful for possibility. So for the year I will write and write more and let it all out. I’m putting it out there. Everything. It will be good for me.